Okay -- the holidays are ending and it's time for everyone to go back to school. I wonder how many kids got electronic presents from Santa and his minions....laptops, i-pods, i-touches, xbox, ps3, wii and more? I'm assuming the number is A LOT....
So parents -- here's my challenge to that question: How many parents see these new gifts as yet another way of keeping their kids from getting "bored?" (of course, they are also 'educational' -- I know that -- or at least I know I'm supposed to think that.)
I had the occasion to visit some friends over the holiday where their two pre-teens were playing Rock Band. In fact, Dad was also involved in the competition, and it was fun watching them all engaged (watching a TV screen together) in competition (I think?) The object seems to be to hit the right keys the most often to win the race? (I think I have that right). One of the kids was singing as the music from the game (accompanied by drum and guitar in competition) was crossing the screen. I acknowledged that this is one of the "hot" games right now, as my own 25 year old engages in it with his peers (and references to the game are typical in those gatherings.)
Are we taking communication and personality out of our exchanges with kids? While it was comforting seeing the family playing this together, the concept of togetherness is a bit strained when it involves 4 people all watching the same video screen -- no plot, just music to respond to.
It could be worse. One of the young non-talking crawlers I take care of got an electronic "ball" that rolls by itself and calls out to the baby to roll it, to play with it, to experience it. In the case of this young guy, it was fun because he is not left to his own devices -- this ball is just a toy he can bump or play with at his leisure. The "bad" part is that I know that countless other kids probably got this ball and have it in their "play yard" (bigger than a play pen so less likely to frustrate the caged child) in order to keep them entertained and engaged. In other words, there is an electronic item targeted at a 6 month old that is designed to play with them -- to save their caregiver from having to actually roll a ball while singing to them.
What's happening here people? Is this an old lady rant or an observation worth discussing?
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
Pressure on today's kids American-Style
I don't talk about it a lot here, but I've spent the last two years of my empty-nesting life doing child care. It's not that I don't have lots to say, but I love and respect the families I work with, so I want to avoid any tendency to do any Nanny Diaries narratives. I did spend 11 years on a school board, always proclaiming Halloween as my favorite holiday because my constituents came to the door. I left that position because it didn't feel like it was about kids anymore. After a few years working with financial aid helping kids afford colllege, I turned to child care because that is the part I like most -- THE KIDS.
But I want to be clear that this post is NOT about the kids I'm working with now. It is an observation about some of the kids I have experienced, and why I worry about so many kids in general (though none specifically). Is that enough of a disclaimer? Hope so. Because I'm starting to feel REALLY old because of my response to the way so many kids/adolescents (post-toddler) pursue life. But my hot button right now is not based on the kids, but on the adults in their lives.
Somewhere along the way, too many adults have stopped wanting things with kids and for kids, but have way upped the expectations OF kids.
I'll start this with concept: increasingly academic preschools, toys designed specifically for learning (Leapfrog and others) and the fact that googling EARLY LEARNING results in 59,400,000 hits.
This is just part of the birth through high school continuum that ends up with SAT Prep courses, summer programs at prestigious and local colleges, early college entry, "as rigorous a curriculum as your high school offers", "the more APs the better" and the fact that googling WHAT COLLEGES WANT results in 233,000,000 hits!
Before I go into my rant, here's the part I want you to consider: are parents more engaged with their children on a personal level? Are adolescents connected to their families in a meaningful way? Does society value well-rounded children? Is all this standardized testing to help children or validate programs?
I have to think all this through too. More later.
But I want to be clear that this post is NOT about the kids I'm working with now. It is an observation about some of the kids I have experienced, and why I worry about so many kids in general (though none specifically). Is that enough of a disclaimer? Hope so. Because I'm starting to feel REALLY old because of my response to the way so many kids/adolescents (post-toddler) pursue life. But my hot button right now is not based on the kids, but on the adults in their lives.
Somewhere along the way, too many adults have stopped wanting things with kids and for kids, but have way upped the expectations OF kids.
I'll start this with concept: increasingly academic preschools, toys designed specifically for learning (Leapfrog and others) and the fact that googling EARLY LEARNING results in 59,400,000 hits.
This is just part of the birth through high school continuum that ends up with SAT Prep courses, summer programs at prestigious and local colleges, early college entry, "as rigorous a curriculum as your high school offers", "the more APs the better" and the fact that googling WHAT COLLEGES WANT results in 233,000,000 hits!
Before I go into my rant, here's the part I want you to consider: are parents more engaged with their children on a personal level? Are adolescents connected to their families in a meaningful way? Does society value well-rounded children? Is all this standardized testing to help children or validate programs?
I have to think all this through too. More later.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Huxtable Effect
I haven't posted on my own blog in forever -- too busy reading others -- but I heard a talk show host tonight referring to the Huxtable Effect (vs. the Bradley Effect) in our Presidential election -- and I'm hoping someone will run across this blog in a search and talk with me about it. I won't belabor the attributions -- you can find plenty of them online -- and even Bill Cosby commented on the theory in an interview posted yesterday (12th of November) on the Huffington Post blog...
But I'm wondering whether the people who grew up watching Cosby needed the Huxtables to "cross over" and vote for a black candidate.. I don't think so. My youngest child is 23, and when she was in 1st grade, she had a problem with a little boy in her class. She complained regularly to me that he was always teasing her; he made fun of her being a slow runner; he told her that her head was big. Her litany of complaints went on and on -- all innocuous and all problems she could solve on her own. She had gone to kindergarten elsewhere, so I didn't know too much about her classmates. This one child was listed as living about a mile from our house, so I didn't feel it was something I needed to get into.
Imagine my surprise on Parent-Teacher Night a few weeks later when this young man turned out to be black. We live in a predominantly white area -- probably 10% black population in our elementary school -- and it had not only not been part of her description of this "problem child" -- it had never come up. When I asked her about it later, and whether or not she had told me he was black, she looked strangely at me and asked "why" that would be a factor. Good question.
But my point in the Huxtable effect -- that the younger voters grew up with the Huxtable family and are thus more comfortable with a black family is curious for me here -- the show ran from 1984 - 1992. My daughter was in 1st grade when this incident occurred -- 1992 -- so I cannot now look back at this episode and not wonder if Cliff and his family aren't part of what made my blond haired, blue eyed 6 year old daughter neutral about her perception of this young boy's race.
There is no questioning that today's young adults are much less concerned about racial differences -- whether or not their watching the Cosby show has a part in that is my question. I wonder if it isn't that watching Cosby as a FAMILY didn't play a part. Sitting with your parents and watching another family, without regard to race (Cliff Huxtable was NOT anything like George Jefferson, but Lionel's girlfriend was the result of a bi-racial couple -- which only offended George) didn't our children learn from us NOT to notice race.
It was the lyrics from a song -- as the young Lieutenant in South Pacific claims when troubled by his attraction to the young island girl "You've got to be taught to hate and fear, you've got to be taught from year to year, it's got to be drummed in your dear little ear, you've got to be carefully taught...you've got to be taught before it's too late, before you are six, or seven or eight, to hate all the people your relatives hate, you've got to be carefully taught."
So maybe as a parent, I need to thank Cliff for giving me a way to teach without preaching that people are people -- that my kids don't hate people for their race or their background (but aren't particularly happy with people that are mean to them). I was taught the difference growing up -- not by parents who hated but clearly by parents who were raised in separate worlds from those of "the colored."
Another anecdote about this same daughter comes to mind from the previous year -- she was going to a kindergarten at her preschool rather than the elementary school. To help her know more neighbors, I sent her to the "Daisy" troop at the elementary school. She was nervous -- didn't know anyone but survived her first experience. When she came home, I asked her how things had gone. She said a nice girl named Myra with brown skin had taken care of her. I told her that was nice, but that we didn't describe people by their skin color. She looked thoughtfully and pointed out to me: "But they all called me the little girl with the blond hair." I did my best to explain the difference in those situations -- but the fact is, I could only reflect on how life gets its rules. You teach children what you can -- and you hope they learn the right rules for the right reasons.
I think I done good.
But I'm wondering whether the people who grew up watching Cosby needed the Huxtables to "cross over" and vote for a black candidate.. I don't think so. My youngest child is 23, and when she was in 1st grade, she had a problem with a little boy in her class. She complained regularly to me that he was always teasing her; he made fun of her being a slow runner; he told her that her head was big. Her litany of complaints went on and on -- all innocuous and all problems she could solve on her own. She had gone to kindergarten elsewhere, so I didn't know too much about her classmates. This one child was listed as living about a mile from our house, so I didn't feel it was something I needed to get into.
Imagine my surprise on Parent-Teacher Night a few weeks later when this young man turned out to be black. We live in a predominantly white area -- probably 10% black population in our elementary school -- and it had not only not been part of her description of this "problem child" -- it had never come up. When I asked her about it later, and whether or not she had told me he was black, she looked strangely at me and asked "why" that would be a factor. Good question.
But my point in the Huxtable effect -- that the younger voters grew up with the Huxtable family and are thus more comfortable with a black family is curious for me here -- the show ran from 1984 - 1992. My daughter was in 1st grade when this incident occurred -- 1992 -- so I cannot now look back at this episode and not wonder if Cliff and his family aren't part of what made my blond haired, blue eyed 6 year old daughter neutral about her perception of this young boy's race.
There is no questioning that today's young adults are much less concerned about racial differences -- whether or not their watching the Cosby show has a part in that is my question. I wonder if it isn't that watching Cosby as a FAMILY didn't play a part. Sitting with your parents and watching another family, without regard to race (Cliff Huxtable was NOT anything like George Jefferson, but Lionel's girlfriend was the result of a bi-racial couple -- which only offended George) didn't our children learn from us NOT to notice race.
It was the lyrics from a song -- as the young Lieutenant in South Pacific claims when troubled by his attraction to the young island girl "You've got to be taught to hate and fear, you've got to be taught from year to year, it's got to be drummed in your dear little ear, you've got to be carefully taught...you've got to be taught before it's too late, before you are six, or seven or eight, to hate all the people your relatives hate, you've got to be carefully taught."
So maybe as a parent, I need to thank Cliff for giving me a way to teach without preaching that people are people -- that my kids don't hate people for their race or their background (but aren't particularly happy with people that are mean to them). I was taught the difference growing up -- not by parents who hated but clearly by parents who were raised in separate worlds from those of "the colored."
Another anecdote about this same daughter comes to mind from the previous year -- she was going to a kindergarten at her preschool rather than the elementary school. To help her know more neighbors, I sent her to the "Daisy" troop at the elementary school. She was nervous -- didn't know anyone but survived her first experience. When she came home, I asked her how things had gone. She said a nice girl named Myra with brown skin had taken care of her. I told her that was nice, but that we didn't describe people by their skin color. She looked thoughtfully and pointed out to me: "But they all called me the little girl with the blond hair." I did my best to explain the difference in those situations -- but the fact is, I could only reflect on how life gets its rules. You teach children what you can -- and you hope they learn the right rules for the right reasons.
I think I done good.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The ultimate in empty nesting
I've actually been absent for a long time because I found that blogging could come dangerously close to replacing a life instead of enhancing it...but I'm over that.
I've spent the last year engaged in the interesting profession of childcare. I began with the firm intention of limiting myself to "back up" sitting (see previous references to Last Minute Mom). Well -- it has worked out about as well as I could have hoped. I've seen the good and some of the bad of child care, but I have settled into a routine with a few really wonderful families that share their children with me as people to love. It's hard loving someone that isn't family -- not because it's hard to feel the feelings, but because it's difficult to care so much about someone whose life is really not in your true universe. The good part for me is that I really admire and respect the parents I work with, so while I don't necessarily agree with every parenting philosophy in play, I don't worry that these little ones are disregarded.
But onto the topic -- the ultimate in empty nesting. I started my "business" under the guise of filling time for an empty nesting mother. My husband still travels quite a bit, and with two grown and one in college, I had a relatively empty nest with time to fill (and college tuitions to fund). Now, the last little bird has graduated and is truly emptying the nest. SpecialK has earned a grant from a prestigious post-graduate program to go to Taiwan for the next year. Yes -- Taiwan as in 12 hours time difference -- 20+ hours of flight -- no one speaks English -- that Taiwan. The country very near (though not necessarily dear) to China. I'm sorry -- the territory...or whatever it is. It's the place that the US of A is committed to protecting from Chinese aggression, and the very same country that China considers to be theirs. It's the country with 1400 missiles aimed at it from China -- but 'only at the separatists' -- and it's the country that my youngest child will call home as she works for a stipend that the US government will tax despite it being the only way for her to pay her bills.
SO -- the point of this diatribe is that now my nest is truly empty. I'm saying that here and now but for the last time because it occurs to me that I need to start a diary of my life as a babysitter, and that simply cannot be public domain. I will return to using this site to ponder things -- and occasionally seeing someone respond (though often with their own ponderings as opposed to responding to mine -- that's okay too!)
MAD MEN returns to new episodes next week. I've been watching the first season again 'on demand' to get me back to speed. You can appreciate how your own memory deteriorates with age (did I say I'm old?? I'm not, but youth is not a term that would necessarily spring to your lips now that I have celebrated 55). I used to remember everything I did, said or felt -- and now I remember where I put my keys because they go in the same place everyday :)
So -- I'm off for now. I'll talk about vacations and SpecialK's travel to Taiwan in a future episode. Be well my unknown friends. I'm here to talk, but also to listen.
I've spent the last year engaged in the interesting profession of childcare. I began with the firm intention of limiting myself to "back up" sitting (see previous references to Last Minute Mom). Well -- it has worked out about as well as I could have hoped. I've seen the good and some of the bad of child care, but I have settled into a routine with a few really wonderful families that share their children with me as people to love. It's hard loving someone that isn't family -- not because it's hard to feel the feelings, but because it's difficult to care so much about someone whose life is really not in your true universe. The good part for me is that I really admire and respect the parents I work with, so while I don't necessarily agree with every parenting philosophy in play, I don't worry that these little ones are disregarded.
But onto the topic -- the ultimate in empty nesting. I started my "business" under the guise of filling time for an empty nesting mother. My husband still travels quite a bit, and with two grown and one in college, I had a relatively empty nest with time to fill (and college tuitions to fund). Now, the last little bird has graduated and is truly emptying the nest. SpecialK has earned a grant from a prestigious post-graduate program to go to Taiwan for the next year. Yes -- Taiwan as in 12 hours time difference -- 20+ hours of flight -- no one speaks English -- that Taiwan. The country very near (though not necessarily dear) to China. I'm sorry -- the territory...or whatever it is. It's the place that the US of A is committed to protecting from Chinese aggression, and the very same country that China considers to be theirs. It's the country with 1400 missiles aimed at it from China -- but 'only at the separatists' -- and it's the country that my youngest child will call home as she works for a stipend that the US government will tax despite it being the only way for her to pay her bills.
SO -- the point of this diatribe is that now my nest is truly empty. I'm saying that here and now but for the last time because it occurs to me that I need to start a diary of my life as a babysitter, and that simply cannot be public domain. I will return to using this site to ponder things -- and occasionally seeing someone respond (though often with their own ponderings as opposed to responding to mine -- that's okay too!)
MAD MEN returns to new episodes next week. I've been watching the first season again 'on demand' to get me back to speed. You can appreciate how your own memory deteriorates with age (did I say I'm old?? I'm not, but youth is not a term that would necessarily spring to your lips now that I have celebrated 55). I used to remember everything I did, said or felt -- and now I remember where I put my keys because they go in the same place everyday :)
So -- I'm off for now. I'll talk about vacations and SpecialK's travel to Taiwan in a future episode. Be well my unknown friends. I'm here to talk, but also to listen.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Fascination with the 60s
Not sure where I'll go with this, but I am really enjoying the revived interest in the 60s generated by MAD MEN (and book clubs recommending Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson). My problem is that for those of us who lived the 60s as "formative years" (I was born in 1953), the present in the show is prelude to our past and long past history to our present.
The lack of choices for women in MadMen is more disappointing because we know how much has changed but I worry how little has been accomplished. Women have infinite choices today, but children are often just one of them. I've started a new venture offering my "sitting services" to professional women as a 'last minute mom'. I realized that I enjoyed children and flexibility, so this would be a useful way to combine my need to fill my time productively with my preference for doing things I want to do. The hard part is how MANY women call themselves "stay at home moms" who in fact want childcare help every day....
Mad Men comments on Jacqueline Kennedy that women would hate her as the better looking sister who married better than you....but we all know that turned out not to be true. Women wanted to BE Jacqueline Kennedy as she spoke multiple languages, raised two children (and publicly endured fertility issues), and had the perfect home and lived in Camelot. With history as prelude, we conveniently forget that Jackie had a philandering husband (See Don Draper, Roger Sterling and Pete in Mad Men). When she lost her husband, Jackie sold out to Aristotle O to preserve her lifestyle (or presumably that played a role in the decision making).
So -- when we look at the limited choices for women in Mad Men - housewives (Betty and Roger's wife --interesting term ...), career women (Rachel), working girls (Joan and Peggy), young wives (Pete's wife Trudy and others by reference only) -- we see limited options but clear expectations. So what's changed? The options aren't limited, but aren't the expectations the same?
So let's talk 60s.....Thoughts?
The lack of choices for women in MadMen is more disappointing because we know how much has changed but I worry how little has been accomplished. Women have infinite choices today, but children are often just one of them. I've started a new venture offering my "sitting services" to professional women as a 'last minute mom'. I realized that I enjoyed children and flexibility, so this would be a useful way to combine my need to fill my time productively with my preference for doing things I want to do. The hard part is how MANY women call themselves "stay at home moms" who in fact want childcare help every day....
Mad Men comments on Jacqueline Kennedy that women would hate her as the better looking sister who married better than you....but we all know that turned out not to be true. Women wanted to BE Jacqueline Kennedy as she spoke multiple languages, raised two children (and publicly endured fertility issues), and had the perfect home and lived in Camelot. With history as prelude, we conveniently forget that Jackie had a philandering husband (See Don Draper, Roger Sterling and Pete in Mad Men). When she lost her husband, Jackie sold out to Aristotle O to preserve her lifestyle (or presumably that played a role in the decision making).
So -- when we look at the limited choices for women in Mad Men - housewives (Betty and Roger's wife --interesting term ...), career women (Rachel), working girls (Joan and Peggy), young wives (Pete's wife Trudy and others by reference only) -- we see limited options but clear expectations. So what's changed? The options aren't limited, but aren't the expectations the same?
So let's talk 60s.....Thoughts?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Googling "Victimization"
First Entry: Bureau of Crime Statistics -- good news!
- Since 1994, violent crime rates have declined, reaching the lowest level ever recorded in 2005.
- Property crime rates continue to decline
- According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Uniform Crime Reports,--
The violent crime rate increased 1.3% from 2004 to 2005. From 1996 to 2005 the rate fell 26.3%. - The property crime rate decreased 2.4% from 2004 to 2005. From 1996 to 2005, the rate fell 22.9%.
Second Entry: Victimization
- Victimization and Race
Young Black Male Victims (BJS Brief, 1994) - Victimization and Gender
Murder by spouses (BJS study summary)
Murder by spouses (BJS study, full)
Violence Against Women, '95
Victimology/Social Work (Patricia McClendon's homepage)
Any questions, drop a note to: Critical Criminology - critcrim@sun.soci.niu.edu
The third entry -- now we're getting into it:
The Sexual Victimization of College Women
File Format: PDF/Adobe Acrobat - View as HTMLWhat is the extent of visual and verbal sexual victimization? ... victimization of college women and have conducted a number of studies. ...
The fourth entry:
The Trauma of Victimization - Help after a Victimization ...
There is often financial loss and physical injury connected with victimization, but the most devastating part for many victims is the emotional pain caused ...
The fifth entry:
Empowerment and Victimization - the power of choice
When we say I have to, we are making a victim statement. A column about how owning the power of choice can help to empower an individual - by codependency ...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don't need to continue -- you get the drift. The concept is far-reaching and has lots of perspectives. You can study crime to identify its victims; you can consider society and how it creates victims. You can identify a segment of society that is victimized by some circumstance or event or social culture...that could range from statistical analysis to a personal journey.
I was delighted to see that it was only the 4th entry that started talking about pain and help for victims, and the 5th entry is about empowerment.
Now, I'm not going to comment on the individual entries as far as the quality of their data or the candor of the testimony. What I do want to talk about is the reality of victimization and the choices we make that begin to determine if we fall into one of those statistical categories of victim or we take on the burden of being victimized.
While becoming a crime statistic is not something we can or would seek, or even to avoid, becoming a victim is a subtler outcome. Today's Virginia Tech tragedies bear that out as I watch the interviews. 33 deaths create some very ugly crime statistics ... all victims of senseless violence. The scope of the devastation -- the pain of the families watching and waiting for news -- all more unsettling than I can put to words.
As a parent of 3 20-somethings, I cannot fathom the pain and terror associated with a random act of violence meted out on a college campus. But while I sit here watching interviews, I am strongly affected by watching some of the survivors talk about the day. While I know there are a great many back in their rooms or heading home, terrified and stricken with fear, these students who have ventured out to talk about the day, the experience, the survival -- they are on the path to healing. They experienced the event -- some even wounded -- but they are not showing signs of being victims. What defines that? What empowers that choice?
I've got some thinking to do. More later.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Now Terry Moran is taking away my joy
I hate to add to his readership, but I've had a hard time writing today except to try to figure out how to get this guy off this air.......Terry Moran writes about how the Duke team doesn't deserve your sympathy because of the special treatment they got from the legal system....
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