I don't talk about it a lot here, but I've spent the last two years of my empty-nesting life doing child care. It's not that I don't have lots to say, but I love and respect the families I work with, so I want to avoid any tendency to do any Nanny Diaries narratives. I did spend 11 years on a school board, always proclaiming Halloween as my favorite holiday because my constituents came to the door. I left that position because it didn't feel like it was about kids anymore. After a few years working with financial aid helping kids afford colllege, I turned to child care because that is the part I like most -- THE KIDS.
But I want to be clear that this post is NOT about the kids I'm working with now. It is an observation about some of the kids I have experienced, and why I worry about so many kids in general (though none specifically). Is that enough of a disclaimer? Hope so. Because I'm starting to feel REALLY old because of my response to the way so many kids/adolescents (post-toddler) pursue life. But my hot button right now is not based on the kids, but on the adults in their lives.
Somewhere along the way, too many adults have stopped wanting things with kids and for kids, but have way upped the expectations OF kids.
I'll start this with concept: increasingly academic preschools, toys designed specifically for learning (Leapfrog and others) and the fact that googling EARLY LEARNING results in 59,400,000 hits.
This is just part of the birth through high school continuum that ends up with SAT Prep courses, summer programs at prestigious and local colleges, early college entry, "as rigorous a curriculum as your high school offers", "the more APs the better" and the fact that googling WHAT COLLEGES WANT results in 233,000,000 hits!
Before I go into my rant, here's the part I want you to consider: are parents more engaged with their children on a personal level? Are adolescents connected to their families in a meaningful way? Does society value well-rounded children? Is all this standardized testing to help children or validate programs?
I have to think all this through too. More later.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Huxtable Effect
I haven't posted on my own blog in forever -- too busy reading others -- but I heard a talk show host tonight referring to the Huxtable Effect (vs. the Bradley Effect) in our Presidential election -- and I'm hoping someone will run across this blog in a search and talk with me about it. I won't belabor the attributions -- you can find plenty of them online -- and even Bill Cosby commented on the theory in an interview posted yesterday (12th of November) on the Huffington Post blog...
But I'm wondering whether the people who grew up watching Cosby needed the Huxtables to "cross over" and vote for a black candidate.. I don't think so. My youngest child is 23, and when she was in 1st grade, she had a problem with a little boy in her class. She complained regularly to me that he was always teasing her; he made fun of her being a slow runner; he told her that her head was big. Her litany of complaints went on and on -- all innocuous and all problems she could solve on her own. She had gone to kindergarten elsewhere, so I didn't know too much about her classmates. This one child was listed as living about a mile from our house, so I didn't feel it was something I needed to get into.
Imagine my surprise on Parent-Teacher Night a few weeks later when this young man turned out to be black. We live in a predominantly white area -- probably 10% black population in our elementary school -- and it had not only not been part of her description of this "problem child" -- it had never come up. When I asked her about it later, and whether or not she had told me he was black, she looked strangely at me and asked "why" that would be a factor. Good question.
But my point in the Huxtable effect -- that the younger voters grew up with the Huxtable family and are thus more comfortable with a black family is curious for me here -- the show ran from 1984 - 1992. My daughter was in 1st grade when this incident occurred -- 1992 -- so I cannot now look back at this episode and not wonder if Cliff and his family aren't part of what made my blond haired, blue eyed 6 year old daughter neutral about her perception of this young boy's race.
There is no questioning that today's young adults are much less concerned about racial differences -- whether or not their watching the Cosby show has a part in that is my question. I wonder if it isn't that watching Cosby as a FAMILY didn't play a part. Sitting with your parents and watching another family, without regard to race (Cliff Huxtable was NOT anything like George Jefferson, but Lionel's girlfriend was the result of a bi-racial couple -- which only offended George) didn't our children learn from us NOT to notice race.
It was the lyrics from a song -- as the young Lieutenant in South Pacific claims when troubled by his attraction to the young island girl "You've got to be taught to hate and fear, you've got to be taught from year to year, it's got to be drummed in your dear little ear, you've got to be carefully taught...you've got to be taught before it's too late, before you are six, or seven or eight, to hate all the people your relatives hate, you've got to be carefully taught."
So maybe as a parent, I need to thank Cliff for giving me a way to teach without preaching that people are people -- that my kids don't hate people for their race or their background (but aren't particularly happy with people that are mean to them). I was taught the difference growing up -- not by parents who hated but clearly by parents who were raised in separate worlds from those of "the colored."
Another anecdote about this same daughter comes to mind from the previous year -- she was going to a kindergarten at her preschool rather than the elementary school. To help her know more neighbors, I sent her to the "Daisy" troop at the elementary school. She was nervous -- didn't know anyone but survived her first experience. When she came home, I asked her how things had gone. She said a nice girl named Myra with brown skin had taken care of her. I told her that was nice, but that we didn't describe people by their skin color. She looked thoughtfully and pointed out to me: "But they all called me the little girl with the blond hair." I did my best to explain the difference in those situations -- but the fact is, I could only reflect on how life gets its rules. You teach children what you can -- and you hope they learn the right rules for the right reasons.
I think I done good.
But I'm wondering whether the people who grew up watching Cosby needed the Huxtables to "cross over" and vote for a black candidate.. I don't think so. My youngest child is 23, and when she was in 1st grade, she had a problem with a little boy in her class. She complained regularly to me that he was always teasing her; he made fun of her being a slow runner; he told her that her head was big. Her litany of complaints went on and on -- all innocuous and all problems she could solve on her own. She had gone to kindergarten elsewhere, so I didn't know too much about her classmates. This one child was listed as living about a mile from our house, so I didn't feel it was something I needed to get into.
Imagine my surprise on Parent-Teacher Night a few weeks later when this young man turned out to be black. We live in a predominantly white area -- probably 10% black population in our elementary school -- and it had not only not been part of her description of this "problem child" -- it had never come up. When I asked her about it later, and whether or not she had told me he was black, she looked strangely at me and asked "why" that would be a factor. Good question.
But my point in the Huxtable effect -- that the younger voters grew up with the Huxtable family and are thus more comfortable with a black family is curious for me here -- the show ran from 1984 - 1992. My daughter was in 1st grade when this incident occurred -- 1992 -- so I cannot now look back at this episode and not wonder if Cliff and his family aren't part of what made my blond haired, blue eyed 6 year old daughter neutral about her perception of this young boy's race.
There is no questioning that today's young adults are much less concerned about racial differences -- whether or not their watching the Cosby show has a part in that is my question. I wonder if it isn't that watching Cosby as a FAMILY didn't play a part. Sitting with your parents and watching another family, without regard to race (Cliff Huxtable was NOT anything like George Jefferson, but Lionel's girlfriend was the result of a bi-racial couple -- which only offended George) didn't our children learn from us NOT to notice race.
It was the lyrics from a song -- as the young Lieutenant in South Pacific claims when troubled by his attraction to the young island girl "You've got to be taught to hate and fear, you've got to be taught from year to year, it's got to be drummed in your dear little ear, you've got to be carefully taught...you've got to be taught before it's too late, before you are six, or seven or eight, to hate all the people your relatives hate, you've got to be carefully taught."
So maybe as a parent, I need to thank Cliff for giving me a way to teach without preaching that people are people -- that my kids don't hate people for their race or their background (but aren't particularly happy with people that are mean to them). I was taught the difference growing up -- not by parents who hated but clearly by parents who were raised in separate worlds from those of "the colored."
Another anecdote about this same daughter comes to mind from the previous year -- she was going to a kindergarten at her preschool rather than the elementary school. To help her know more neighbors, I sent her to the "Daisy" troop at the elementary school. She was nervous -- didn't know anyone but survived her first experience. When she came home, I asked her how things had gone. She said a nice girl named Myra with brown skin had taken care of her. I told her that was nice, but that we didn't describe people by their skin color. She looked thoughtfully and pointed out to me: "But they all called me the little girl with the blond hair." I did my best to explain the difference in those situations -- but the fact is, I could only reflect on how life gets its rules. You teach children what you can -- and you hope they learn the right rules for the right reasons.
I think I done good.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The ultimate in empty nesting
I've actually been absent for a long time because I found that blogging could come dangerously close to replacing a life instead of enhancing it...but I'm over that.
I've spent the last year engaged in the interesting profession of childcare. I began with the firm intention of limiting myself to "back up" sitting (see previous references to Last Minute Mom). Well -- it has worked out about as well as I could have hoped. I've seen the good and some of the bad of child care, but I have settled into a routine with a few really wonderful families that share their children with me as people to love. It's hard loving someone that isn't family -- not because it's hard to feel the feelings, but because it's difficult to care so much about someone whose life is really not in your true universe. The good part for me is that I really admire and respect the parents I work with, so while I don't necessarily agree with every parenting philosophy in play, I don't worry that these little ones are disregarded.
But onto the topic -- the ultimate in empty nesting. I started my "business" under the guise of filling time for an empty nesting mother. My husband still travels quite a bit, and with two grown and one in college, I had a relatively empty nest with time to fill (and college tuitions to fund). Now, the last little bird has graduated and is truly emptying the nest. SpecialK has earned a grant from a prestigious post-graduate program to go to Taiwan for the next year. Yes -- Taiwan as in 12 hours time difference -- 20+ hours of flight -- no one speaks English -- that Taiwan. The country very near (though not necessarily dear) to China. I'm sorry -- the territory...or whatever it is. It's the place that the US of A is committed to protecting from Chinese aggression, and the very same country that China considers to be theirs. It's the country with 1400 missiles aimed at it from China -- but 'only at the separatists' -- and it's the country that my youngest child will call home as she works for a stipend that the US government will tax despite it being the only way for her to pay her bills.
SO -- the point of this diatribe is that now my nest is truly empty. I'm saying that here and now but for the last time because it occurs to me that I need to start a diary of my life as a babysitter, and that simply cannot be public domain. I will return to using this site to ponder things -- and occasionally seeing someone respond (though often with their own ponderings as opposed to responding to mine -- that's okay too!)
MAD MEN returns to new episodes next week. I've been watching the first season again 'on demand' to get me back to speed. You can appreciate how your own memory deteriorates with age (did I say I'm old?? I'm not, but youth is not a term that would necessarily spring to your lips now that I have celebrated 55). I used to remember everything I did, said or felt -- and now I remember where I put my keys because they go in the same place everyday :)
So -- I'm off for now. I'll talk about vacations and SpecialK's travel to Taiwan in a future episode. Be well my unknown friends. I'm here to talk, but also to listen.
I've spent the last year engaged in the interesting profession of childcare. I began with the firm intention of limiting myself to "back up" sitting (see previous references to Last Minute Mom). Well -- it has worked out about as well as I could have hoped. I've seen the good and some of the bad of child care, but I have settled into a routine with a few really wonderful families that share their children with me as people to love. It's hard loving someone that isn't family -- not because it's hard to feel the feelings, but because it's difficult to care so much about someone whose life is really not in your true universe. The good part for me is that I really admire and respect the parents I work with, so while I don't necessarily agree with every parenting philosophy in play, I don't worry that these little ones are disregarded.
But onto the topic -- the ultimate in empty nesting. I started my "business" under the guise of filling time for an empty nesting mother. My husband still travels quite a bit, and with two grown and one in college, I had a relatively empty nest with time to fill (and college tuitions to fund). Now, the last little bird has graduated and is truly emptying the nest. SpecialK has earned a grant from a prestigious post-graduate program to go to Taiwan for the next year. Yes -- Taiwan as in 12 hours time difference -- 20+ hours of flight -- no one speaks English -- that Taiwan. The country very near (though not necessarily dear) to China. I'm sorry -- the territory...or whatever it is. It's the place that the US of A is committed to protecting from Chinese aggression, and the very same country that China considers to be theirs. It's the country with 1400 missiles aimed at it from China -- but 'only at the separatists' -- and it's the country that my youngest child will call home as she works for a stipend that the US government will tax despite it being the only way for her to pay her bills.
SO -- the point of this diatribe is that now my nest is truly empty. I'm saying that here and now but for the last time because it occurs to me that I need to start a diary of my life as a babysitter, and that simply cannot be public domain. I will return to using this site to ponder things -- and occasionally seeing someone respond (though often with their own ponderings as opposed to responding to mine -- that's okay too!)
MAD MEN returns to new episodes next week. I've been watching the first season again 'on demand' to get me back to speed. You can appreciate how your own memory deteriorates with age (did I say I'm old?? I'm not, but youth is not a term that would necessarily spring to your lips now that I have celebrated 55). I used to remember everything I did, said or felt -- and now I remember where I put my keys because they go in the same place everyday :)
So -- I'm off for now. I'll talk about vacations and SpecialK's travel to Taiwan in a future episode. Be well my unknown friends. I'm here to talk, but also to listen.
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